01 I love Kitten Wars but it is very, very, very bad for me. Kitten Wars is a website where you can go and vote for who you think is the cutest kitten. And there are lots and lots and lots of them. And they're all so very, very, very cute. They are SO cute, in fact, that they may well have killed my brain. Whenever I am on this site, I am reduced to either making those girly high-pitched baby noises or just squealing "kitty!kitty!kitty!kitty!kitty!" while waving my hands like a crazy person. Thanks to this site, I may never ever get anything done ever again.



02 Yesterday, I was in line at the cashier in a convenience store when a little boy runs past a few aisles carrying, along with a couple of bags of potato chips, three packets of peanut M&Ms and four chocolate bars, three different and brightly colored packs of Frenzy condoms. He took one look at the packaging and saw the bananas, oranges and mint drawings and immediately concluded that they must be some sort of candy. His dad, who was standing right in front of me in the line, all flushed and flustered, tried to find a good way to explain to his increasingly agitated and confused son (who by now was yelling "But why can't I have it? I want this candy! It looks good!") that these *ehem* goodies were not for him (yet).

Everyone (except for me) within earshot did the polite thing and turned away to supress their laughter. Finally, their items were rung up and daddy dearest grabs them, drags the little boy by the hand, and hurriedly walks out the door, trying to avoid looking at anyone else. All the way down the exit, we could still hear the kid ask, "But why, dad?!"

Ten bucks says dad tells the kid to ask his mom.


03 The Beatles' Live at the BBC album collection was one of the first albums I ever got. The compilation was finally re-mastered and released in 1994. By that time, I had already memorized every Beatle song ever released, read several biographical books and plastered my wall with old poster of the boys from way back with their moptops in the early 60's to their strange and /or psychedelic tendencies in the late years. Oh, I also wanted to marry Paul McCartney.

I remember the giddy feeling I got when I first heard the boys doing this little radio program. They read out fan letters with greetings, took requests and threw jokes (of the very cheeky kind) at one another and pretty much just had themselves a really good time. Through the BBC sessions, I found out that  George was so tired of singing the song Roll Over Beethoven because he'd been doing it ever since he got into performng (but managed one more performance for the fans, good lad), that Paul thought John was the worst actor and John thought Paul was the worst actor (in their film Hard Day's Night) and that Ringo likes grapes (I do, too). Oh, and that The Beatles in Portuguese is Los Beatles.

Aside from them doing live performances of their own songs, they also did some covers of some of the old Rock & Roll oldies. The whole thing is just a great and fun listen, and that hasn't changed much since I first got it when I was eleven.

Here are some of my favorite tracks:

01   Cats. I love cats. Because, really, they are remarkable creatures. Even the "domesticated" cat isn't much different from their distant relative wild cats or from their prehistoric predecessors. They are the little predators in our backyards. And unlike the perpetually puzzled canine who is largely emotionally dependent on their owners, cats are very independent. They don't really need us. We just make life easier for them. You've got to respect that. Cat lovers like myself know that we never own cats. Our cats own us.

And I'm pretty sure if there's anyone on this planet that holds all the secrets of life and the universe, it's them cats.

02   Catwoman. Or, to be exact, Ed Brubaker's Catwoman. Other people have tried, but this is the way to do it. Ed Brubaker writes Selina Kyle the way Selina Kyle ought to be written. He reminds me why Catwoman is one of the best characters ever to come out of DC. She's not just some sidestory for Batman, not just some gratuitous leather-clad big breasted femme fatale. In his very capable hands, she becomes a complete character.




His film noir writing style puts her in a world she's made for; crime, big hits, crooked cops and all around shady business and goings on. All the while, she's forced to re-examine who she is and where she stands and what she has to do to make it in her crooked little town. His Catwoman is understandable and likeable. He also managed to write well-developed supporting characters. Plus, Darwyn Cooke's clean and bold art compliments Brubaker's storytelling style so well.

03   Welcome to the Monkey House by Kurt Vonnegut. I love, love, love this book. This may be my favorite collection of short stories. EVER.

Nobody tells stories like Kurt Vonnegut. And he tells so many different kinds of them. He tells love stories, science-fiction and/or speculative fiction, and even satires. He writes like a doozy when he writes novels, which is probably why his short stories have a lighthearted touch.

When you read each story, you come out  a bit more learned, a bit more hopeful, a bit more thoughful, and generally a bit of a better person than before. I don't think there's anyone else who can so completely tell us what it's like to live in a certain time or place or to be a certain person in any short story better than Vonnegut can. And somehow, he manages to remind us that we may not be so different from the characters he writes.

04    Slither. Over the past week, I have seen this movie (again) three times. It just refuses to get old. Slither is not just one of the best movies to come out this year. It may also be just one of the best movies to come out ever. And I mean, EVER.

If you've seen it, then you know that it's the kind of movie you see with a big tub of popcorn and a big and tall glass of soda. Sure, you expect it to be gooey and gross and gloriously gory in all it's B-movie goodness, but it goes above and beyond the usual expectations. It's icky and splatter-y and chockful of zombies, but it's also funny and deadpan and too witty for it's own good. Plus, any movie where Nathan Fillion saves the world is number one in my book.

05   Hearts. Hearts are my favorites shape.

01    Here are some other things that bug me.

One: Guys who, in an effort to impress, tell me that they're reading Finnegans Wake. Like this one guy today. He tried to chat me up by asking me what I like to read. I guess he did so because he saw that I was carrying some books with me (all by Lethem, by the way). He very breezily told me that he was reading Finnegan's Wake and that he was - get this - enjoying it. At which point I wanted to grab him by the back of his neck and ram his head on to the elevator doors.

Dude, give me a fucking break. There are only two reasons anyone would read that monstrous piece of work. One, if you're doing a paper on it for school, in which case your teacher is a cruel, cruel man who wants to drive you out of your minds. Or two, if you're trying to impress people, in which case you're screwed because nobody will believe you. Nobody, and I mean, nobody, enjoys Finnegan's Wake. It took Joyce (who is undoubtedly brilliant and fucked up in several ways) seventeen years to complete that goddamned thing (because I refuse to call it a book) and he had a hell of a time doing it. He had to keep getting eye surgeries, lost long-time supporters and had problems with his relationships wth his children. It's full of puns and allusions in a dozen different languages. It is, pretty fucking safe to say, the most difficult read in the entire history of printed material ever. Let me give you a little tip, name dropper. Nietzcshe and Sartre are safe favorites. Marcel Proust, maybe. And hey, Jean Baudrillard is back in style again, thanks to The Matrix trilogy. But don't fucking tell me you're reading Joyce's Finnegan's Wake, because clearly you do not know what the fuck you're talking about.

Two: Certain celebrities annoy me. To name a few...

Emeril Lagasse. I hate that guy. He's loud, he's obnoxious and he's not even remotely funny. He talks like he got clubbed in the head one too many times before they put him in front of the camera. I hate that guy. If he says "Bam!" one more time, I'd like to take a rolling pin and just hit him in the face with it. There, Emeril. Kick that up a notch.

Then, there's Michelle Rodriguez. I just don't get it. I mean, she's just not attractive. There's just something with her face you can't quite put your finger on. She tries to be quirky and gimmicky with her mannerisms and facial expressions and it just gets grating. That and she can't act for her life. That probably explains why she's stuck doing movies like The Breed, which is a movie about super-intelligent killer dogs.

Three:   Anti-abortionists. Because I 'm pro-choice, yo.

02    Look! Icons! Again!




Doesn't that last icon just break your heart?


03    And because we ought to be listening to them Christmas songs already. This is Porky Pig singing Blue Christmas.

04    What Christmas songs do you like to listen to?

05    Years ago, when I was much little-er than I am today,  I was still the only person really excited about putting the Christmas tree together. Our tree, at 8 feet, was considerably taller than I was. It was much of a struggle just to get it out of storage. Actually, I am now pretty sure that it was my dad who did most of the lifting. I just kept my hands on the tree felt like I was helping. Assembling the tree was no less of a trial. Our tree was the kind made of wires. I'd get poked in places I didn't want to get poked.  When it came time to the decorating of the tree, I was very adamant that we follow a color scheme. Pick two colors and stick with it. Red and gold, blue and silver, green and gold, purple and gold or whatever color went well with another. Anything out of place and clashing with the color scheme would immediately be taken off the tree. Yes, I was a little Christmas tree Nazi.

The lights were my favorite part. I loved watching them turn the lights on for the first time after finishing the assembly and decoration.

Six years ago, everyone else in the family stopped celebrating Christmas. They gave away our old Christmas tree. They stopped hanging stockings and singing Christmas songs. For the last few Christmases, on Christmas day, there was no one around here but me.

I still have a Christmas tree but it's not much taller than I am. At 3 feet, she's not much of a struggle to take out and put together at all. She's not much but she keeps me company on quiet Christmas mornings. And she looks pretty, too, when she's all decked out and lit up.

Now, if you'll excuse me. I think it's time I put her together again.

01   I've been having trouble staying focused. I mean, you know, more than usual. Hence the random entries.

02   They're calling it the Break Up Season. These past few weeks, people have been writing and calling, telling me all sorts of stories of break ups. One letter from an old friend began, "Everyone is breaking up. I don't know where it came from. It just seems like people are finding no good reasons to stay. And that's always a good reason to go." Another one said, "Better bend than break. But I've bent all that can on this one. I can't go any more." And yet another one said, "Stay indoors at all times. Hearts are breaking out there. I'm not sure if it's contagious but better safe than sorry." Is it the same where you are? I remember it being the same last year. What's with July? And these the rainiest of the days. If only there were storm warnings for heartbreaks on the horizon.

03    And now for some good news.

The Decemberists' newest album, The Crane Wife, is set for release this coming October.

Yay, oh, yay! Be still my fangirl heart. This album is thematically based on an old Japanese folk tale. Once upon a time, there was a poor man who found a wounded crane in the woods. He took it home and nursed it, until the time came that it was well enough to fly away on its own. A few days later, a beautiful  woman showed up at his door. They fell in love and got married. But because they were poor, they needed to find a way to make a good living. The man's new wife then suggested that the he'd sell a special cloth that she would weave. It could sell for a good price in the nearby town, the man realized, and he agreed. She gave him one condition: that he was not to look in the room while she was making it. Ultimately, the man's curiosity and greed overtook him. He peered into the room and found that his wife was the crane and that cloth she made was from the very feathers she plucked from herself. She saw him, and flew away.

Guess there aren't going to be a whole lot of happy songs there.

04   I promised someone I would upload this, so here:

The Forgotten Arm
by Aimee Mann

01 Dear John
02 King of the Jailhouse
03 Goodbye Caroline
04 Going Through the Motions
05 I Can't Get my Head Around It
06 She Really Wants You
07 Video
08 Little Bombs
09 That's How I Knew this Story Would Break my Heart
10 I Can't Help You Anymore
11 I was Thinking I Could Clean Up for Christmas
12 Beautiful


05    I have a craving. For marshmallows.




06  Quick question: Hey, lovelies, what are your top ten favorite songs of the moment?

07 Hey, jellybean?
I'm glad we're still a team.

01    So I got to stay home today, or rather had to stay home today, because of the weather. These winds and pelting rain showers are not kidding around. I hope everything's okay over at your side of the world, lovelies. I hope the weather means blankets and hot chocolate and soup and hugs. And if anyone out there is sick with anything, I hope you feel better soon.

02   I love Jens Lekman.

In fact, I've just officially added him to the list of People I Want to Marry Someday. There has yet to be another singer/songwriter to work and re-work the cliche's of all love songs everywhere as well as he can. I just don't understand how he can get away with otherwise grimace inducing lines like If you don't take my hand, I'll lose my mind completely. Madness will finally defeat me. or She said it was all make believe, but I thought she said maple leaves. He's got songs with titles like Run Away With Me, Love is Still a Mystery and No Time for Breaking Up. There are tearjerker harp flourishes and tympani, girl-group backing oohs, and celebratory wedding bells abound! But dear god, the combination is astonishingly pretty, sweet, sincere and incredibly good.

The only problem with me marrying him is that his songs make me cry. And if I cry all the time they might think I'm a battered wife. And then they'll haul him off to prison. And he's too pretty and too quiet to go to prison. So yeah, I won't marry him. I'll just keep listening to his pretty, pretty songs. And if you're not doing that yet, you should, too! Click on the links to download!

03 Yep. Icons. Again.




04   Heehee. Just a quick question. Who was your favorite Ninja Turtle?

05   I got a letter from a boy that made me break my heart a few summers ago.

In his letter, he asked,

"How are you?"

I am fine.
I hope you are, too.

01   What do Oscar Wilde, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Marie Antoinette, Vincent Van Gogh, Bigfoot, Jesus and the cafeteria lunch lady all have in common?

Why, they all have action figures, of course! That's right! And they're all available at Archie Mcphee.com!  Some, I suspect, are more fun than others. The Jesus Action figure can come in the deluxe set, which also includes five loaves of bread, two small fish and a jug for turning water into wine. Did I mention that his miracle hands glow in the dark? Well, yes. They glow in the dark. Marie Antoinette's head pops right off. Harry Houdini comes with a tiny cloth straight jacket, two sets of plastic shackles, a plastic chair and a bit of rope, while the librarian, which comes in a library diorama with a reference desk, computer, book cart, multiple book stacks and some loose books, has a button you can press for that amazing shushing action!

I, however, am really amused by the Obsessive Compulsive action figure, which comes with a lovely moist towelette to clean it off before touching it.

02   Here's a random memory. When I was a little girl in nursery, all my classmates would hate to be separated from their mothers. Most of them would hang on for dear life until the very last minute when the bell would ring and the teachers would have to plead in their sweetest voices to please let go of their mothers and come into the class. Still some would beg their mothers not to leave. And so moms would be standing by the gates, just in plain sight of their children for fear that they'd start wailing at the top of their lungs if they thought for a minute they were abandoned. I never did ask my mother to stay though. As soon as I saw the gates of the school, I'd let go of her hand and come running down the path all the while screaming, "Uwi ka na, mama! Uwi na!" I would go to the window every once in a while because I knew she'd still be there, and if I did still see her there, I would again frantically gesture for her to go home.

"Why, hija?" my teacher once asked me, while I was trying to make my paper elephant sparkle by putting on blue and pink glitters on him, "Don't you want your mommy around?"

I answered very quickly. "No. I like her very much. But we never agree on anything."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, pretty much still sums it up between me and my mother.

03   Can you share a random memory with me?

04    I made icons. Again.

 
 
 

05   Despite my utter lack of need for it, I had two Flinstone vitamins today. One grape. One strawberry. Now it's been some years since I last had a Flintstone vitamin, and I just wanted to ask: Did they always taste like crap? I remember them being kinda good when I was a kid! Help me out here, lovelies, anyone?

Because I love rubber duckies!

 

Like I don't make way too many already.
These were inspired by some really funny tee's.